Even though divorce is common, it’s worse than death of a spouse .It does a terrible devastation. If your partner dies, you face many losses, but he or she didn’t chose to leave you(except in the case of suicide).He never slam the door in your face, nor scream at you, or quietly live a double life of lies. People come over to express their sympathy come to you. Insurance settlements are quickly paid. Others come with cookies and goodies just to condole you. And, a dead spouse ghost doesn’t fight with you about who get the kids on the weekends. You never have to drop your kids off the cemetery.
But divorce is traumatic, where death ends-divorce starts there. It has a steady stream of rejection, pain and loss of emotional feelings. It can be compared to a war that goes on in which the parties walk out with emotional scar. There are constant feelings of rejection, frustrations mixes with anger, hurt and deep longing caused by divorce. In fact, the entire family is poisoned; the victims can’t maintain good friendships with the former relatives.
People avoid you and getting the regular child support from your ex-spouse is a threat. You no longer socialize like before. You don’t receive Mother’s Day presents, or the flowers during birthdays. You can’t fit in again in church activities. You miss the play mates who visit your home because of your ex-spouse. Even though both of you understand how much you miss each other; you can’t still help the situation.
Children also have their own portion of devastation during divorce. It’s common for children of all ages to act out their pain during divorce. But, adolescent are likely to do so in more dangerous ways like, delinquency, alcohol abuse and drug abuse. Not all adolescents whose parents divorce are doomed to misbehave. But, it’s daydreaming to think that divorce will be better for the children.
They also have to deal more with parent who’s not tolerance than before. More volatile issues like financial support or child custody are capable of causing hatred, pain and emotional feelings anytime there’s misunderstanding. The problems that caused the divorce still remain unsolved and increase bitter feelings towards each other.
Younger spouse who’re victim of divorce assume there’s still plenty of time to find the right partner. While the older ones aren’t so sure. They sometime feel desperate and hopeless.
To really prevent the traumatic experience caused by divorce. Couple shouldn’t rush to divorce as an option and assume that their marital problems are incurable. Marriage is just like human beings, a creature of habit. Any change in their accustomed environment will have a profound effect upon its. Even forces it to some kind of adaptation which in most cases can’t adapt.
For those who have traumatic feelings caused by divorce. To get emotional stabilization and heal the broken heart, they shouldn’t wallow in self-pity or losses. Rather take stock of those losses and know exactly the source of their bitter feelings. Because knowing the cause of a disease is half cure. Having done that, share it with your trusted friends, competence marriage counselor or a pastor. You’ll definitely be relieved!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Wife Battering is How a Husband Perceives His Wife
It's well a known fact that, a loving and caring couple will always respect and cherish each other. There can never be a room for snapping, let alone fight .What could be on the mind of a man who uses fist to settle differences with his wife at the slightest provocation. Could it be that he is fade up with the marriage? A lot of articles, seminars, and marriage counselors have concluded that the lust for the forbidden fruit is always instrumental to the cause of such demeaning thing.
Whatever is the cause, physical attack has never made any wife more loving or caring. You can't tear a wife to pieces and expect her to meet your emotional needs. It will be better for couples to avoid the worn-out accusation and complaints that trigger off crisis.
But the irony of the situation is, most wives would never admit that they have been battered. Even those with bodily harm. These remains me of the popular adage that says;"Marital problems are best resolved in bed". This means ,couple can resolve wife- battering without taking legal action. Many of such cases have come and disappeared without the intervention of the third party. Many people who intervened in such cases are perceived as enemies when the case is finally resolved.
Before a husband starts to physically attack his wife or commit any other "marital blunder", something fundamental has changed in the marriage. When the partners were in their rosy days; they displayed love in public, because. They had something unique which they must show to the world. And, those proof quickly disappear during wife battering.
That feeling that pushes a man to fight is accumulated anger which he ignored or buried alive in his subconscious. It's not always noticeable. But can always turn out to become grudges and hatred towards the wife if unexpressed.
One top of that, we are in a society where men are regarded as “Mr. Right”. Even most parents displayed it the family circle. Their male children grow up with the unrealistic ideas and practice it in marriage. They simply believe that being severe to their wives is aimed at producing a well-disciplined wife. And justify their rage emotional bursts in the name of wife- battering. When the outburst finally becomes the pattern of parental conduct, their children –especially the male ones may copy it and go along with it for the rest of their life.
Whatever is the cause, physical attack has never made any wife more loving or caring. You can't tear a wife to pieces and expect her to meet your emotional needs. It will be better for couples to avoid the worn-out accusation and complaints that trigger off crisis.
But the irony of the situation is, most wives would never admit that they have been battered. Even those with bodily harm. These remains me of the popular adage that says;"Marital problems are best resolved in bed". This means ,couple can resolve wife- battering without taking legal action. Many of such cases have come and disappeared without the intervention of the third party. Many people who intervened in such cases are perceived as enemies when the case is finally resolved.
Before a husband starts to physically attack his wife or commit any other "marital blunder", something fundamental has changed in the marriage. When the partners were in their rosy days; they displayed love in public, because. They had something unique which they must show to the world. And, those proof quickly disappear during wife battering.
That feeling that pushes a man to fight is accumulated anger which he ignored or buried alive in his subconscious. It's not always noticeable. But can always turn out to become grudges and hatred towards the wife if unexpressed.
One top of that, we are in a society where men are regarded as “Mr. Right”. Even most parents displayed it the family circle. Their male children grow up with the unrealistic ideas and practice it in marriage. They simply believe that being severe to their wives is aimed at producing a well-disciplined wife. And justify their rage emotional bursts in the name of wife- battering. When the outburst finally becomes the pattern of parental conduct, their children –especially the male ones may copy it and go along with it for the rest of their life.
Why Most Celebrities Can't Succeed in Marraige
People now wonder whether anything is wrong with celebrities' marriage. No day passes without the news of one failed marriage involving one notable celebrity. The rate at which their marriages break down is disturbing.
Unlike other unions or institutions where knowledgeable people or experts do very well. Marriage is the only institution where people who aren't not specialist succeed. From roughly estimation, people with tremendous achievement often don't succeed in marriage. While the more average a person is, the more likely he is to succeed in marriage. Although marriage partners must not be totally the same. Where the average and successful partners marry, the successful one should support the average partner. Since marriage is all about serving. The superior or successful partner must serve the weaker one to protect his dignity.
In celebrities' marriage, husbands and wives don't always succeed in the same speed. The differences of their achievements should be appreciated. For example, a man can be a great intellectual success and marries a woman who's more successful and famous in life. Such marriage can only be in danger when the two partners don't appreciate their different qualities.
Celebrities', who're married must, understood what the other partner does. And also be interested in those things as they can even revealed ones lack of talent and, or help to improve. It can be intellect, artistic ability or the ability to socialize with other people.
It's reportedly said that men lack confidence to manage successful women. But I disagree with that! Lack of confidence is only a symptom of unhealthy marriage. Anybody can lose confidence when a partner becomes superior or dominating. Incompatibility of couple remains the notable thing that brings lack of confidence. From the statement of a female celebrity who's a victim of divorce, she said;"My five-year-old marriage broke down due to irreconcilable difference. This incompatibility led us to disagree on many issues".
Compatible of couple can't be overemphasized. Gone are those days when celebrities unite and marry for the common interest they have in career or jobs. Today, the common interest goes beyond vocational level. Married men now expect their wives to stand by them in every area of their life. Apart from the image of the good family father. But also as partners in their endeavors.
By so doing couple would be connected with the strange powers of the mind that can’t be explained by natural law. Because marriage is a melting pot of every possible feelings that influences ones behavior both known and unknown. It’s more of a living and changing system which its unity and purpose can be understood appreciated from one condition to another!
Unlike other unions or institutions where knowledgeable people or experts do very well. Marriage is the only institution where people who aren't not specialist succeed. From roughly estimation, people with tremendous achievement often don't succeed in marriage. While the more average a person is, the more likely he is to succeed in marriage. Although marriage partners must not be totally the same. Where the average and successful partners marry, the successful one should support the average partner. Since marriage is all about serving. The superior or successful partner must serve the weaker one to protect his dignity.
In celebrities' marriage, husbands and wives don't always succeed in the same speed. The differences of their achievements should be appreciated. For example, a man can be a great intellectual success and marries a woman who's more successful and famous in life. Such marriage can only be in danger when the two partners don't appreciate their different qualities.
Celebrities', who're married must, understood what the other partner does. And also be interested in those things as they can even revealed ones lack of talent and, or help to improve. It can be intellect, artistic ability or the ability to socialize with other people.
It's reportedly said that men lack confidence to manage successful women. But I disagree with that! Lack of confidence is only a symptom of unhealthy marriage. Anybody can lose confidence when a partner becomes superior or dominating. Incompatibility of couple remains the notable thing that brings lack of confidence. From the statement of a female celebrity who's a victim of divorce, she said;"My five-year-old marriage broke down due to irreconcilable difference. This incompatibility led us to disagree on many issues".
Compatible of couple can't be overemphasized. Gone are those days when celebrities unite and marry for the common interest they have in career or jobs. Today, the common interest goes beyond vocational level. Married men now expect their wives to stand by them in every area of their life. Apart from the image of the good family father. But also as partners in their endeavors.
By so doing couple would be connected with the strange powers of the mind that can’t be explained by natural law. Because marriage is a melting pot of every possible feelings that influences ones behavior both known and unknown. It’s more of a living and changing system which its unity and purpose can be understood appreciated from one condition to another!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Why Sex is Dangerous to Relationships.
Sex has destroyed many relationships. Due to the current strong sexual desire in our society today. People imitate those pleasants and imaginary situations that are unlikely to happen, from intercourse movies, sexual literatures, role models, and practice them in the real world.
People with this kind of erotic desire or infatuation always betray their partners during the bad days of sex. They’re so impatience to wait during menstruation and illness period. Or, walk out of the relationship when someone they considered to be lovelier is found.
Even though sex is desirous by human beings, people should be careful when a partner’s sex life isn’t disciplined. Such desire would quickly fade away. Partners must first of all become good friends that have at least, two to three leisure activities that bring them together to get both emotional and physical satisfaction. Not only sex!
A friend of mine married his girl friend because she satisfies and drives him into ecstasy in bed.They had nothing in common .They can’t converse beyond the daily activities of life. The wife is too quite, jealous and prone to fight. While the man is open-minded and workaholic.Because of their passionate love, they’ve always resolved their differences by having intercourse.
At a point, their differences began to show off; when their only common interest, sex relation was temporally off .During child birth and nursing period, they criticized each other and hardly agreed on anything. The wife complained and accused the husband of flirt whenever he comes home late. The more she criticized him, the more time he spent with his friends and co-workers outside. The man also became disturbed of her jealous attitude and refusal to welcome visitors-especially the female ones. He even thought of treating her psychiatrically because of her steady nagging and quarrel over minor issues.
Their marital differences bothered him occasionally and he began to reveal things he had kept secret. He revealed; ’’I had always known my wife isn’t compatible with me, but I couldn’t give her up because she turned me on sexually. Even though we still get along very great in bed. But we have nothing in common to keep the marriage going. If I had known earlier what it takes to make a healthy marriage perhaps I would have stopped this in time’’.
Great care is required when partners don’t agree over certain issues like leisure activities, career, or the same philosophy of life.It’s assumed that two people who love each other are interested to the same level in physical love. The level of compatibility of partners can be proofed in social contract with other people. For example, anytime one of the partners isn’t comfortable and relaxed-while the other partner is comfortable and happy in same environment. The reason for such different in behavior must be put straight.Partners who're poor in relating to each other can't succeed in relationships.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
